it gets me very early to realise, but quite late to confirm, because i was fighting it.

but sometimes, truth is truth, fact is fact.

kinda sad, but it is still true, and i need not to be frustrated. I won’t say “at least I still have God!” ,because I know Jesus has been in my life before I were born. It’s me who ignored Him instead of Him forgetting me. So, I want to be God’s tools!!

Btw, I was stupid, to think that I can chase Mable. To be honest, she is a soon-to-be-woman girl who is in complete different level compared to me. However, I still love to read her article she wrote. I admire and I very like her, and that’s enough.

And Francine, the only girl who made me feel like I’m very much close to holding a courtship. Now to think of it, she will become a doctor in future. what will I become? a mere physiotherapist. Not to say I looking down on my job, but I keep feeling the difference between us. And I always not good enough to let myself to be an example of Christ to her. 

I think I don’t need to be in relationship, I won’t say I keeping myself for God, because I’m really not that good, still I will keep trying to achieve. Despite all the reason, just because I’m a not well known, not attractive and less-gifted guy.

I’m just accepting the fact. 

we are falling in love and I confess.

It involves a tuition class, a book, and your adorable smiling face.

Weird huh.

Well, this has happened before, and what I dreamt haws become the farthest point I could ever reach. Guess it’s happening this time.

I don ‘t know what should I do, but at this very moment, I’ll just have to bury my feelings, my affection towards you. 

Finally I got a chance to play with my birthday present, a brand new basketball.

Well, I practiced free throw and I shot in 70 times, exclude the misses.

And I did a stupid things, so called a prayer.

I asked God for a signal, If Mable, she will be my partner in future, please let me score the next ball and I will wait for the rest of my life for her, just for her. Or else, I will surrender myself to Him and being single as His calling.

Erm, It went in. 

I asked God again, whether should I text some encouraging message to her tonight and I threw.

It didn’t score.

How about tomorrow?

It went in again.

And tonight, She text me she can’t attend the planet shakers conference in Malaysia. 

and I replied and something awkward thing happened. 

Sigh, I should listen and obey. I think I get ignored……

Why am I so stupid.

I asked you out to celebrate your birthday.

I gave u a necklace, wrote u a card, buy u a little bit awkward brunch, but it seems nothing caught ur attention. 

I’m not expecting ur reply of thank you, just hoping it could be a respond of good impression of me. 

U told me me, u had a calling of being single. 

To be honest, I like u. I understand what it means, but i will still wait for u, because I know if this is really God’s will, I can nothing. If God wants u to serve Him, I would love to observe the God’s plan in ur life. At the end, friends or partners, friendship or courtship, I’m supposed to lead u to glorify God’s name. 

That’s why, I will do nothing. I like u for no particular reason. For now, I will say I like, or maybe, I love the way u serving and worshiping Him, and I see your beauty in the midst of it.

I don’t regret and I will not. Well, at least, being single now for me is also a gift from God. 

Happy birthday, Mable.